counterintuitive gratitude occurs when one can be grateful for 'bad' things that happen[ed] in life. "unanswered prayers" is a great song for the very reason that it describes this phenomenon poetically.
(note: i don't have to believe in prayer [to a deity] to re-cognize a great song.)
his-story: i was raised by a loving mother (i thought, of course, that she was unconditionally loving).
i got my heart broken early in life, and learned that "not all women are like my mother."
later-on in life, i observed that not even my mother was like the vision of my mother that i had painted in my mind. society's norms, my mother's own experiences and my mother's own agenda made her who she was. she (certainly) loved me, and i (also) got to see beyond the veil.
nowadays, i'm grateful. i no longer chase validation, i no longer chase women, i no longer chase sex. don't get me wrong: i still think about sex, and women -- a lot. but i don't chase the validation.
what happens now is simple: if a gal doesn't show burning desire, i don't invest. i don't invest time, or feelings, or $$$, or even thoughts. i'm not having even the slightest bit of bad behavior, and i'm getting to the point of not investing in the luke-warm, even. the luke-warm is the lure. it wants you to chase.
my current philosophy is to (1) be open to the infinite possibilities, (2) be observant, (3) only give energy to real, potential, positive experiences.
rewards like validation and adoration and admiration and appreciation are intrinsic. accept the extrinsic gifts as they are offered, but don't chase.
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