by a. friend
i am your dream (wo-man)
and i shall not pre-tend
the only thing i’d like (for us) is you & i (as friends)
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martino, j. (7.31-1.2025). i am your dream. book 126: dreaming the deam. © 2025 by wellnesseducation.us
...attraction.
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1. do not yearn for the 9s & 10s. if you ever date one, you will hate the process.
2. beware of the 5s & 6s that think of themselves as 8s & 9s. think: what does she (really... besides just being female) bring to the table?
3. would you chase a male friend if (a) you had to always pay his way, (b) you had to listen to his emotional negativity, (c) you had to spend time watching him scroll on his cellphone, and/or (d) he didn't want you to have any other friends? think about that.
4. cultivate hobbies, interests. get fit. enjoy clean-eating. join groups of like-minded souls.
* meet the woman of your eye-candy dreams by having fun with people who like the things that you like. become a better man, and your dream woman will find you! :)
the ultimate commitment, of course, is marriage. society would have us believe that (within this construct) a man's new purpose in life is to constantly attempt (and fail) at keeping his 'wife' from being unhappy.
a man learns (very quickly) that a woman with the upper-hand will punish (in a variety of ways), so he had better behave in a way that (momentarily) makes her less unhappy.
lesson 1: commitment makes his life worse.
lesson 2: cohabitation makes life even more worse, and makes it harder to get rid of her.
lesson 3: marriage drives the nails into his self-made coffin... with bleak hope for future peace & love.
lesson 4: children link him with this dream-crusher... until death.
the reason why a man willingly travels down this highwbay-to-in-hell is his (perceived) addiction to her you-know-what, which he will experience less and less and less and less of (over the course of this very bad dream).
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just imagine if sexy the used-car dealer said this:
sir! this car is you! stop test-driving and commit now... because time is running out. sure, she's got excessive a few miles on her and her best years are behind her... but her exterior is buffed-up and ready to go! heck, throw a party for her (and do not skimp on the ring accessories)!
small print: massive down-payment, breaks-down regularly, extremely high maintenance, warms-up slowly and goes icy-cold in an instant. will depreciate quickly and forever. can't be depended-upon to get you where you want to go, and this will only get worse with time. has been involved in several 'accidents'. has the kind of legal baggage (e.g. in-laws, kids, pets) that you'll end up paying for, indefinitely. your money and time and freedom are now under her control. she's finnicky. she stalls when bored (which is often). she won't initiate fun start-ups, but will continuously initiate mind-tests & challenges that are designed to repress your manhood further and further... until you are a shell of a driver (hiding in your overstuffed garage).
oh, and you can never, ever purchase, or rent, or drive, or even look at any other car (ever) again. of course, if you pour enough of your resources into her, she won't even allow you to even think of any other cars. no car porn.
oh, one final thing: on a whim, she is free to allow others to ride-the-hell out of her, and will blame you for her 'indiscretions' because her "needs weren't being met."
sign here: ________________________________ date___/___/_____
* the seller is not responsible for any other undocumented, undisclosed, unanticipated legal, social, emotional isses, or any other past baggage or future breakdowns.
imagine this role-reversal:
imagine if husbands were guaranteed a 'win' in divorce court (you know, the house, the car, the dog and his desired visitation for the kids). imagine if he would receive alimony & child support (in other words, he'd be better-off financially due to the divorce).
imagine if his community of friends gathered around him in support, and imagine if (now single), he had many, many, many, many sexual opportunities. imagine if women (of all ages) were now hitting on him.
imagine if he could brush-off any indiscretions (and even justify the reason for the divorce) due to his needs, not being met.
imagine that...
then... think of a married man who you know, and ask yourself:
"would he stay married?"
while the manosphere poo-poos female hypergamy, males also select mates based upon the "best option." the difference is this:
hypergamy exists within both males and females, and there is nothing wrong with a person who test-drives a few different cars before settling-down with one.
in 2025, women also have the option of sex with other women, so the whole smorgasbord is on her plate. a heterosexual male needs to be in the top 10% if he intends to have optionality in the sexual marketplace.
most (the lower 90-percent) will:
dudes: do what you can to become a better version of yourself, and do this for yourself. repeat.
shaming is... when someone/anyone refers to a behavior of yours in a negative way.
"for shame!"
note: it might be subtle, and it might be delivered with a smile.
he/she might do it for a number of reasons that say waaaaaaay more about him/her than about you... but (let there be no doubt), he/she is shaming you -- into a different behavior that he/she would feel more comfortable with. s/he attempts to make it about you, but it's (really) about he/r.
otherwise, he/she would be complimenting and thanking.
do not lie to yourself. s/he is shaming.
if anything, continue the behavior as if s/he hadn't uttered an important sound. ignore. move on.
:)
sitting here, contemplating.
i've helped a lot of people (with laughter, contemplation, learning, growth...). i've gotten awards for it. there have also been times when my separate-sense-of-self-ego got in the way of love. i bet that you can relate.
i've never intended to hurt anyone, with my words, writings, or behaviors. well, maybe a couple of times (in self-defense: e.g. fist-fights). thank god those were few-and-far-between.
my words and writings and jokes are meant as a release (for me) and, if you so desire (for you), contemplation.
my romantic behaviors have resulted in both love and hurt. i am still friends with many of my past girlfriends and acquaintances, but have also learned that some energy needs to be avoided and even blocked, at times.
amid love & romance, however, i've grown. i used to be inept (at communication). i was the perfect storm of (1) needing love, (2) equivalating sex with love, and (3) fear of rejection -- which resulted in distancing from love the moment that it was received. this happened in one-night situations and longer-term girlfriend-situations.
the love-'em-&-leave-'em roller-coaster.
i imagine that it seemed like i was only out for one thing, and once i got it, i was gone. instead (truth be told), once i got it, i was afraid of being rejected... or responsible... or involved... or trapped... or a myriad of things that had everything to do with my fears and nothing to do with my attraction/love for you.
if our romance resulted in hurt, please know that that was never, ever my intention. if it ever resulted in happiness or growth, feel free to let me know.
know this: we ever kissed... i was doing my best to love you.