go ahead and judge me
judge me here, today
go ahead and judge me
judge me for my way
go ahead and shame and rant and criticize (so much)
we could use a mirror
go ahead and judge
______________________________
the purpose of this rant is to focus on the dubious rituals surrounding death… and “paying respects”.
chapters include:
· culture
·
the
after-math
· judgement day
at the outset, please go to the last page of this book (on the blog, it is located under "pages" and is entitled "Spiritual Scripting." read the Spiritual Scripting first, to fully under-stand that which is being shared on these pages.
then, if desired, return here to begin reading about...
culture
you can’t spell ‘culture’ without cult. culture is a way that a certain group of people does things – usually because “that’s the way we’ve always done things.” in a cult-ure, asking “why?” is often frowned-upon, as the elders and/or leaders can feel as though they are above being questioned.
when the followers are encouraged against asking questions, they can then be told what is right, what is wrong, and what to do (and what not to do). leaders of a cult can benefit greatly from a rule-book or a code-of behavior document, but often rely on cult members to keep each other in line.
the best followers are those who monitor and suppress their own (unwanted) behaviors. not only are well-behaved followers compliant, but they are easy to control and direct. followers, in turn, may attempt to direct others -- especially during times of death and grief.
death and grief
death of a loved-one will bring grief, or a sense of missing. the irony is that the grief of missing someone is proportional to the good times, the lessons, and the joy of knowing s/he who has passed-away. grief, my friends, can quite easily be felt as gratitude. don’t believe it? practice it for yourself.
cult-ure leaders (especially those closest to the deceased) often have an opinion or a set of rules and practices that surround a death. a ritualistic process might become embedded into the culture. in respect to the leaders, others tend to follow-along with time-tested ritualistic processes.
the viewing ritual
in many cultures, the idea of a ‘viewing’ of the deceased is part of the grieving ritual.
i (personally) do not support viewings. it’s not that i protest the viewing process, it just that i pay my respects in a different manner. my style of ”paying respect for the dead” is more private, and (for me) is a more internal process. the viewing ritual (or even more strangely, the "wake") usually proceeds another ritual -- called a funeral.
the funeral ritual
not surprisingly, i’m not a fan of funeral rituals. my style is more private. funeral rituals of ten involve a church ceremony, elders & ministers and 'holy' people. i've been in funeral processions that involve poll-bearers, a hearse, and even a parade of vehicles to the burial grounds.
culture
you can’t spell ‘culture’ without cult. culture is a way that a certain group of people does things – usually because “that’s the way we’ve always done things.” in a cult-ure, asking “why?” is often frowned-upon, as the elders and/or leaders can feel as though they are above being questioned.
when the followers are encouraged against asking questions, they can then be told what is right, what is wrong, and what to do (and what not to do). leaders of a cult can benefit greatly from a rule-book or a code-of behavior document, but often rely on cult members to keep each other in line.
the best followers are those who monitor and suppress their own (unwanted) behaviors. not only are well-behaved followers compliant, but they are easy to control and direct. followers, in turn, may attempt to direct others -- especially during times of death and grief.
death and grief
death of a loved-one will bring grief, or a sense of missing. the irony is that the grief of missing someone is proportional to the good times, the lessons, and the joy of knowing s/he who has passed-away. grief, my friends, can quite easily be felt as gratitude. don’t believe it? practice it for yourself.
cult-ure leaders (especially those closest to the deceased) often have an opinion or a set of rules and practices that surround a death. a ritualistic process might become embedded into the culture. in respect to the leaders, others tend to follow-along with time-tested ritualistic processes.
the viewing ritual
in many cultures, the idea of a ‘viewing’ of the deceased is part of the grieving ritual.
i (personally) do not support viewings. it’s not that i protest the viewing process, it just that i pay my respects in a different manner. my style of ”paying respect for the dead” is more private, and (for me) is a more internal process. the viewing ritual (or even more strangely, the "wake") usually proceeds another ritual -- called a funeral.
the funeral ritual
not surprisingly, i’m not a fan of funeral rituals. my style is more private. funeral rituals of ten involve a church ceremony, elders & ministers and 'holy' people. i've been in funeral processions that involve poll-bearers, a hearse, and even a parade of vehicles to the burial grounds.
when i
die, please cremate me. if you must have
a ceremony, make it private. maybe
spread my ashes over a favorite area or scatter them into the ocean. if you must, please celebrate my life. have a fun post-party.
the post-funeral event (do the math)
people who gather together after a funeral often honor the dead while eating and drinking and telling stories about the deceased. i have given the eulogy at one-too-many funerals -- and i have attended one-too-many post-funeral events. they have (traditionally) involved excessive drinking, excessive joking, and excessive-eating.
the post-funeral event (do the math)
people who gather together after a funeral often honor the dead while eating and drinking and telling stories about the deceased. i have given the eulogy at one-too-many funerals -- and i have attended one-too-many post-funeral events. they have (traditionally) involved excessive drinking, excessive joking, and excessive-eating.
they have been varied. some focus on grief, while others lean towards more of a celebration of life. i like to celebrate life, connection and memories.
the bereaved get to hear (and share) great stories about the beloved/deceased. if one were to do the math -- a post-funeral event can resemble a party, in many ways. like all parties (and space-time activities), the post-party must (event-u-all-y) come to an end.
the after-math
almost immediately after the after-party, the simple math is that people have lives. they leave. the primary bereaved is often left alone. my role is best played during the after-math and/or during the pre-death phase: during the life of the deceased.
almost immediately after the after-party, the simple math is that people have lives. they leave. the primary bereaved is often left alone. my role is best played during the after-math and/or during the pre-death phase: during the life of the deceased.
i want to pay my respects to you while
you are alive.
i don’t want my respects
to be “last respects” or “final respects.”
for example: i limit my facebook friends to 111 friends, maximum.
several of my facebook friends are deceased,
but i still remember them and
i often respect them on their birthdays.
that being said, i might not make it to the viewing, the funeral, or the after-party.
judgement day
it goes without saying that there will be those who will judge my non-attendance at viewing and/or funeral. those who strongly adhere to cultural norms may expect me to adhere also, but it’s not my culture, and it’s not my norm. people can and will judge. people are in pain, people have stress, some people are drunk, and people are people.
judge me if you want to. if it makes you feel better to rant about me, better me than some other scapegoat. criticize. opine. it’s all fine. i’ll be doing the best that i can do to pay respects – before, during and after the dying process. what i do... might not fit with your cultural norms, and what you do might not fit with mine. let’s focus on understanding and gratitude, if possible.
judgement day
it goes without saying that there will be those who will judge my non-attendance at viewing and/or funeral. those who strongly adhere to cultural norms may expect me to adhere also, but it’s not my culture, and it’s not my norm. people can and will judge. people are in pain, people have stress, some people are drunk, and people are people.
judge me if you want to. if it makes you feel better to rant about me, better me than some other scapegoat. criticize. opine. it’s all fine. i’ll be doing the best that i can do to pay respects – before, during and after the dying process. what i do... might not fit with your cultural norms, and what you do might not fit with mine. let’s focus on understanding and gratitude, if possible.
-the end.
epilogue
the death and dying process creates distress, anxiety and an abundance of other emotions. different cultures have different rituals and expectations of family, friends, and associates. if i do not participate in a cultural ritual, please do not take it as a protest against, or as a slight of some kind, or as a not-caring attitude.
i simply deal with death in my own way: quietly. solitary (if possible). contemplative. grateful.
-the beginning.
___________________________________
[i] martino, j. (11.23-1.2024). go ahead and judge. book 121: opportunity (on deck). © 2024 by j. martino.
epilogue
the death and dying process creates distress, anxiety and an abundance of other emotions. different cultures have different rituals and expectations of family, friends, and associates. if i do not participate in a cultural ritual, please do not take it as a protest against, or as a slight of some kind, or as a not-caring attitude.
i simply deal with death in my own way: quietly. solitary (if possible). contemplative. grateful.
-the beginning.
___________________________________
[i] martino, j. (11.23-1.2024). go ahead and judge. book 121: opportunity (on deck). © 2024 by j. martino.
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