b132 (5.17-1.2026): seeking mayfly love

seeking mayfly love [i]
by a. male mayfly
 

alternative title: 1,440 years!

 
i was born a mayfly so i lived the mayfly life
forever seeking mayfly love (and maybe mayfly wife!)

seeking love at mayfly-high, then mayfly college games
seeking love in mayfly job and mayfly marriage (tamed)
seeking love while raising kids (with mayfly soccer moms)
seeking love while passion waned and mayfly marriage bombed
seeking love in post-divorce at post divorcee pool
seeking love while getting old (still trying to look cool)
seeking love (like groundhog day) i find myself in tears
seeking love (this move-ie lasts another thousand years!)
seeking love (i wonder how much longer i’ll pretend)

i fly toward y/our windshield, now, my final act:

-the end

________________________________
 
·       humans think that i’m living the dream: a whole lifetime of mayfly love!

·       the truth of my nightmare is the 1,440 year turmoil: hopelessly romantic, unsatisfied ego, diminishing value, and being outflown by younger (more powerful) mayflies.

·       event-u-ally, death-highway’s windshield provides more of a relief than an ending. 

post-humus re-velation: i'm grateful for every, single phase. i'd do-Be-do it again.
___________________
martino, j. (5.17-1.2026). seeking mayfly love. book 132: who are wIe, as men? © 2026 by wellnesseducation.us

*the mayfly lives for 1 (human) day, or 1,440 human minutes (each of which [might] seem like forever... to the mayfly). 

b116 (12.13-1.2023): relationships 101

relationships 101 [i]
by francine acts
  
let’s do this together
sure (it will be fun)
maybe we can tether
 
relationships 101
_________________________________________
 
·       when relationship “experts” talk about relationships, they often assume erroneously.  one major error is to assume that the ultimate relationship-goal is marriage.

·       when i talk about relationships, i assume that the man or woman wants to be happy.

·       in a survival-thrival world, here’s what that means:
   o   her happiness adds to her story (herstory) when she is more secure.  her security, however, can be bipolar:
          1.     part of her wants the best Alpha seed (usually a bad-boy Alpha who can get his share of women), and (simultaneously)…
          2.     part of her wants the best provider (usually a well-behaved beta).
          3.     if she gets #1, she tries to turn him into a #2.  when she gets #2, she still wants to mate with #1.

   o   his happiness (his-story) is that he wants to spread his seed, far and wide, with the best and hottest babes (hb). 
          1.     he gets tricked-into “settling” for his “one” (by the bait of easier, more available mating/sex), but then realizes that (with her competition anxiety gone) she isn’t into the passionate type of sex that she courted him with.  (note that courted should probably be spelled caught-ed. 😊)
          2.     he ends-up miserable, as society’s laws promote and protect the bait-and-switch, and there is nothing he can do about it (without increased short-term and long-term misery).
          3.     worse yet (if he’s been tricked-into kid responsibilities), he is done. 
 
one of the best possible courses of action (for her) is a bipolar marriage arrangement, with a beta provider and an Alpha mate (or two). 
 
marriage (commitment, cohabitation), of course, is the worst possible option for his-story, unless he were to somehow marry-up… with the option of multiple hot girlfriends on the side.
 
while neither of the above courses of action are (overtly) accepted in society, hers is accepted universally (aka: “my needs weren’t getting met by my beta”).  society’s story is that he, if he is anything less than the loyal, providing, plow-horse dad… he fails.
 
men: don’t commit to a life of misery.  

ladies: use what you’ve got (ahem) to get him to commit to a life of misery.
 ___________________________________
[i] martino, j. (12.13-1.2023). relationships 101. book 116: love reigns. © 2023 by joal martino. 

* "you've got to make it work"

as a part-time bartender and a part-time human, i get to engage-in and listen-to conversations by people... and about relationships.

in the u.s.a., many have this unreasonable notion that it takes effort to "make a relationship work."

most can't even define what "working" means... but they will be more than ready to share their insights in a new york-relationship minute.  

since i'm not from this planet, i'm amazed to learn that the average american believes that, for a relationship to "work"...

• it must last "forever" (even though none do), or
• it must at least last a lifetime (which very, very few do), and
• it must be between a monogamous couple (when almost none are), or at least
• it must be "monogamy right now" (which is quite loosely defined), and 
• it takes work to make it work.

i'll have none of that kind of nonsense.  i believe that relationships cannot not work, and here's why:

1. you live, you relate, you learn. 
2. even if the nature of the relationship changes, you have memories.
3. relationships provide an opportunity for growth.
4. if, for a moment, "happily ever after" can give way to the truth (which is right now), then people might see that one can't have a long-est term relationship without its multitude of short-term mo[m]e-nts!
5. the moment is Now.  the truth is in the Now.  the reality is in the Now.
6. most importantly, the future is pre-paved and created ...Now.

naturally, when people label how a relationship must be (for it to "work"), they can gossip about how others' relationships didn't.  even those who married & lived together & died around the same time as each other experienced relationship turmoil at some point or another. 

can we, for just a moment, 
admit that our unrealistic expectations (of "the relationship") 
suck the life and energy and love out of it?

lifelong friendships are different, for some reason.  when the expectations are lessened, we can really love another and want our beloved to experience his/her best life (whether it is with us, or not).

friendships aren't as possessive as u.s.a. "relationships."  friendships don't have to "work" -- because friends don't need a contract, or a vow, a ring, or a lawyer or a minister or a government to tell them what they have to do -- to be friends.

friends, after All, just IS.

:)  

b88 (3.2-2.2020): maybe we're all just tin men

maybe we’re all tin men ^[1]         
by t. inman

maybe we’re all tin men

shameless in our dance
praying, hoping, yearning for some love (or sweet romance)
maybe we’re all tin men
needy at our base
hoping someone out there can find something here (erase)
_______________________________ 

•  the human ego (f.s.o.s.s*) constantly seeks to survive and thrive.
•  survival occurs when he can show (to himself) that he is separate.
•   thrival occurs when he can experience more than just survival.  he makes quid-pro-quo agreements (with other egos) to further prove his self-ness.

    separation <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Union

• the connections that are formed approach Union, a forbidden-fruit that ego cannot not desire, while (simultaneously) re-cognizing that Union means death (to the sense of separate self).  that is exactly what is so poetic about it.

one goes through life, Une-i-fying, when one could simply sit and experience his/her connection. 

the idea of namaste’ (or love, or marriage, or partnership, or teamwork-cooperation-coordination, etc.) allows one to dance in the symphony of connection – even as ego cannot permit 100% Une -- in this, the relative-world universe.

_________________________

[1] martino, j. (3.2-2.2020). maybe we're all tin men. book 88: marching into madness. © 2020 by joal martino.

[2] inspired, in part, by miranda lambert’s “tin man.”

* false sense of separate self

b68 (2.2-1.2010): why i am single

why i am single [1]

by joal martino

 

the purpose of this essay is to describe why i am single.

 

it (kind-of) answers the question, posed to many humanoids nowadays, which is:

 

“you’re such a nice (cool, fun, etc.) guy, why haven’t you ever been married?”

 

note: this is not a marriage-bashing essay.  we “single” people (contrary to popular belief) Love married people!  some of our best friends are married.  some of our best relatives are married.  many of us are very, very glad that our parents got married.

 

married people: we Love you.

 

it’s just that we aren’t married (yet, and maybe never will be, and maybe that’s okay).

 

b.t.w: this essay is just for me, so do not ever, ever, ever feel obligated to read it.  

it’s just for moi.

 

allow me to describe my day, so far today (it’s exactly 12:27 pm; just after/during lunch/siesta), eastern standard time.  i’ve been up since 0600.

 

the alarm jolted me out of bed at six-o’clock, and i’d set it with no time to spare, since i had a job interview at 8, and the weather was predicted to be “ice, with a wintery mix.”

 

i shut off the alarm, and promptly slithered back into bed (just for a second), only to awaken to the knowing that it was late, i was late, and i should slap myself silly (if i only had time).

 

shave, shower, go.  lots of traffic.   at 7:58 (two miles from the interview) i call “debbie” to let her know that i’m stuck on the brookshire street exit.  in my mind, the mantra “cities suck, cities suck!” is ringing -- very, very loudly.

 

instead of panic, i chill.  i breeeeeeeeeeeeeeeathe.  i smile.

 

at 8:01, i enter the interview building, and i’m actually ahead of schedule (since the committee is preparing themselves, in the interview room).

 

paperwork, etc.

 

i proceed to kick the interview’s ass.   i’m exponentially overqualified for the job, but there were 279 applicants, and i’m just happy to get into the pool of the final eight.  i flow.  i don’t need the job anyway (because nobody needs any-thing, anyway), but i let the committee know that i’d be nothing short of dynamite in this position.  yes, yes, yes, i gave them handouts, 13 potential references (true), and we spoke to each other like happy siblings at a family reunion.

 

i exit, smiling.  i thank the committee.  in the lobby, i shake the hands of the next two interviewees, and i tell them that i hope that we’ll all get hired, so that we can all work together.  i’m not lying… it’s just that i’m envisioning how these guys would do very well, working for me.

 

i call the love of my life, and (even though she’s 40 miles out of the way), i ask if she’d like 15-minutes of company before she goes off to work.

 

she (of course) loves the idea, and she prepares a giant cup of coffee for me as i approach the hacienda that can only be referred to as “casa-susita.”

 

i enter her house; i kiss her delicious face, and we proceed to express our appreciation for one-another for the next 10 delectable minutes.

 

we exit, and i drive home.  upon arrival, i proceed to throw my suit-jacket and tie onto the ironing board.  ((yes, i ironed my shirt late last night, and neglected to move the ironing board out of the living room.))  

by the way, do you have issue with that? 

 

i look left, i look right.  it’s 1013.  school has been cancelled at the college, and i’ve got the day off. 

 

i look left, and again i look right.  i open the fridge, and pop open magic hat winter seasonal (porter), and i smile, knowing that my girl would love to be right here, right Now, sharing what cheryl crowe might call a “beer buzz, early in the morning.”    another part of me is quite happy to be able to enjoy this moment by myself, in my own place, in my own time, in my own way.  and guess what?  nobody can say nothin.

i take off my shirt.

 

with siesta in mind, i begin to cook the most fantastic meal that you will ever savor, ever:

 

          ·    grilled veggies (with onion and garlic, since i’m alone)

·     blackened mahi mahi (can you say “YUM?”)

·      trader joe’s white wine (because i’m now officially “out of beer”)

 

as the adventure progresses, my attire morphs into the following:

• dress pants (belt removed, and then thrown across the living room – because i can)
• black shoes replaced by florida state university slippers (go ‘noles!)
• a fleece “providence, rhode island” sweatshirt (blue, in color)

i eat, i drink.  the cellphone is off.  there is no television, there is no noise.  …not even a bit of background music. 

nada, baby, nada.

 

…and i get to think of you, the humanoids that i love, love, Love.  …and i get to write to you, and to open-up to you. …and i get to feel Connected to you!   i Love you, and i Love this!

 

and that is why i’m single.  i’m not saying that being single is “right”… i’m just sayin’…

 

love, joal

___________________________________________________

[1] martino, j. (2009). why i am single. book 68: wonder-Full. © 2010 by joal martino.

* but here's the real reason: you can do what you want, when you want, how you want, where you want, with who you want, for the reasons why you want... and nobody can question your reasons.  you've got no ring, no contract, no promise, no commitment, no kids, no dog, no debt... and nothing but time and options.

...and you've got no tolerance for anyone who wants you to behave a certain way (so that they will be happier).

------------------------------

here's a 2025 update on the issue:

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qEWaeRcYbGw 

entitled "the solo man's revolution."