sitting here, contemplating.
i've helped a lot of people (with laughter, contemplation, learning, growth...). i've gotten awards for it. there have also been times when my separate-sense-of-self-ego got in the way of love. i bet that you can relate.
i've never intended to hurt anyone, with my words, writings, or behaviors. well, maybe a couple of times (in self-defense: e.g. fist-fights). thank god those were few-and-far-between.
my words and writings and jokes are meant as a release (for me) and, if you so desire (for you), contemplation.
my romantic behaviors have resulted in both love and hurt. i am still friends with many of my past girlfriends and acquaintances, but have also learned that some energy needs to be avoided and even blocked, at times.
amid love & romance, however, i've grown. i used to be inept (at communication). i was the perfect storm of (1) needing love, (2) equivalating sex with love, and (3) fear of rejection -- which resulted in distancing from love the moment that it was received. this happened in one-night situations and longer-term girlfriend-situations.
the love-'em-&-leave-'em roller-coaster.
i imagine that it seemed like i was only out for one thing, and once i got it, i was gone. instead (truth be told), once i got it, i was afraid of being rejected... or responsible... or involved... or trapped... or a myriad of things that had everything to do with my fears and nothing to do with my attraction/love for you.
if our romance resulted in hurt, please know that that was never, ever my intention. if it ever resulted in happiness or growth, feel free to let me know.
know this: we ever kissed... i was doing my best to love you.