b111 (8.31-1.2022): okay danced with commit

commit danced with okay [1]

by ima okay & isa commit
 
okay (at the party), asked commit to dance
then (with one embrace) it was much more than just romance
interstellar-love can feel both awesome (or tox-sick)
ima danced with isa, as
okay danced with commit
_________________________________
 
·       what if two (very young) people had incredibly deep, important inner-needs that caused each to behave in such a way as to not get those met?
·       what if ima okay’s inner mantra was: “PLEASE DON’T CRITICIZE ME!  I NEED TO KNOW THAT I AM OKAY!” and isa commit’s inner-mantra was “PLEASE DON’T HURT ME!  I NEED TO KNOW THAT I AM SECURE!”
·       what if these needs were actually seeds, planted long-before commit and okay were even able to recognize them?
 
…and what if the Loving aspects of themselves co-created Blissful Union, but their fearful inner-selves co-created the very scenario that was most toxic?
_________________________________
[1] martino, j. (8.31-1.22). commit danced with okay. book 111: Love IS. © 2022 by wellnesseducation.us. 

okay danced with commit

commit danced with okay [1]

by ima okay & isa commit
 
okay (at the party), asked commit to dance
then (with one embrace) it was much more than just romance
interstellar-love can show as awesome (toxic-sh--!)
ima danced with isa
okay danced (commit)
_________________________________
 
·       what if two (very young) people had incredibly deep, important inner-needs that caused each to behave in such a way as to not get those met?

·       what if ima okay’s inner mantra was: “PLEASE DON’T CRITICIZE ME!  I NEED TO KNOW THAT I AM OKAY!” and isa’s inner-mantra was “PLEASE DON’T HURT ME!  I NEED TO KNOW THAT I AM SECURE!”

·       what if these needs were actually seeds, planted long-before commit and okay were even able to recognize them?
 
…and what if the Loving aspects of themselves co-created Blissful Union, but their fearful inner-selves co-created the very scenario that was most toxic? 

_________________________________
[1] martino, j. (8.31-1.22). commit danced with okay. book 110: Love IS. © 2022 by wellnesseducation.us.

dear chicago

 ...by ryan adams...

https://www.google.com/search?q=dear+chicago+lyrics&rlz=1C1GCEA_enUS994US994&oq=dear+chicago+ly&aqs=chrome.1.69i59l2j69i57j0i390l2j69i61.6859j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

is a reflection on meaningful, romantic relationships.

the girl he (the man in the song) has just met is fantastic, but can't ever measure up to 'chicago,' his last love... because she is all that he thinks about.

he fluctuates, of course.

in the end, he realizes that his present relationship, while not getting him over 'chicago,' has (at least) helped to get him over 'new york'.

he's a rock star, living the rock star life.  he's got lots of past lovers, and some stand out more than others. past loves fade, as they no longer desire to connect, so you (eventually) let them go, mentally.  

---------------------------------------------

...but their (good) memories are always there, 
and you always can tap into that, making you wish that you could re-live it.

sweet, lovable, clean, wholesome, smart, assertive, understanding,

perfect wife material (but you aren't ready for a wife),

because the problem (at least, to society), is you.

the rock star in you doesn't believe it, however, and lives his rock star life.

---------------------------------------

so..... eventually/realistically, you re-cognize that they have moved-on, which means that you can/should/might/maybe, also.

the suicide talk is (really) just relationship drama.  it is a man's way of making himself think that he really, truly, cared soooooooooooo much.

truth is, if he really did, he wouldn't be writing this song.

when you really, really care (unconditionally), you do what it takes to stay in the game.

the song itself is open-hearted genius.

men (who are in rock star mode) can and will take everything that they can get... and "falling in love" is fantastical... until the next hottie wants to give you a lil' sumpin'. 

this song, like the eagles' desporado, is the re-cognition of the paradox.

  

 

wishing you weren't here

wishing you weren’t here [1]
by steven albert dunn
 
i used to wish to see you (and to hold-on to you): near
but something else has happened
i wish that you weren’t here
_________________________________
 
·       in relationships, partners (at the beginning) wish that each other was near, or here, or close.
·       when things begin to go sour, a different feeling can arise: the wish that a partner wasn’t there.  it is the desire to be alone, or apart.
·       i’ve experienced this recently, at my girlfriend’s place, amid disagreements and arguments and distancing -- and at times when things just didn’t feel right.
·       but… for the first time, yesterday, at my place, i felt that i wished she wasn’t there.  she had just said something like “i want to go home” or “i’m going to go home” or something like that, but we were by the pool, and she was emotionally distant, and i felt it:
 

“i wish she wasn’t here.”

 
relationships end, sometimes.  to often, they end looooong before the actual, official ending.
 
my (personal) belief if that they end… and have ended… when one or the other wishes that the other wasn’t there.
 
it’s weird: i wish that she was here:
·       in her happy place,
·       glad to be here,
·       loving me,
·       wanting to be with me,
·       conversational,
·       interactive,
·       touching,
·       kissing,
·       connecting,
·       etc.
 
when she is here, and when it feels as though she doesn’t want to be here… it is close to the worst feeling in the world.  the worst feeling in the world would be to be cohabitating, and for her to be bitchy, and for me to be trapped.
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2eE9H7Nzww
_________________________________
[1] martino, j. (8.14-1.22). i wish she wasn’t here. book 110: Love IS. © 2022 by wellnesseducation.us. 

b111 (8.14-1.2022): wishing you weren't here

wishing you weren’t here [1]
by steven albert done
 
i used to wish to see you (and to hold-on to you): near
but something else has happened
i wish that you weren’t here
_________________________________
 
·       in relationships, partners (at the beginning) wish that each other was near, or here, or close.

·       when things begin to go sour, a different feeling can arise: the wish that a partner wasn’t there.  it is the desire to be alone, or apart.

·       i’ve experienced this recently, at her place, amid disagreements and arguments and distancing -- and at times when things just didn’t feel right.

·       but… for the first time, yesterday, at my place, i felt that i wished she wasn’t there.  she had just said something like “i want to go home” or “i’m going to go home” or something like that, but we were by the pool, and she was emotionally distant, and i felt it:  

“i wish she wasn’t here.”

 
relationships end, sometimes.  to often, they end looooong before the actual, official ending.
 
my (personal) belief if that they end… and have ended… when one or the other wishes that the other wasn’t there.
 
it’s weird: i wish that she was here:
·       in her happy place,
·       glad to be here,
·       loving me,
·       wanting to be with me,
·       conversational,
·       interactive,
·       touching,
·       kissing,
·       connecting,
·       etc.
 
when she is here, and when it feels as though she doesn’t want to be here… it is close to the worst feeling in the world.  the worst feeling in the world would be to be cohabitating, and for her to be bitchy, and for me to be trapped.
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2eE9H7Nzww
_________________________________
[1] martino, j. (8.14-1.22). i wish she wasn’t here. book 111: Love IS. © 2022 by wellnesseducation.us. 

she just hung up on me

bitch just hung up on me.

i've got two words for that:
"f-ck that."

her last words were: "you are annoying me. i've got to go."

this, after she started an argument about the difference between the meaning of the words "empathy" and "relating" and "sympathy."

my take?

she wasn't right, so she got angry and quit.

i.will.not.be.exclusive.with.a.girl.who.hangs.up.on.me.

b111 (7.27-1.2022): i used to wake to bling

i used to wake to bling [1]
by b. ling
 
i used to wake to blinging sounds (sweet messages they bring)
i used to wake-up smiling
i used to wake to bling
_________________________________
 
·       now… i look at the phone, and don’t even pick it up.
·       i don’t want to check messages, for the dread of what i might have done or said to piss you off in this, a war of righteousness and fear.
_________________________________
[1] martino, j. (7.27-1.22). i used to wake to bling. book 111: Love IS. © 2022 by wellnesseducation.us. 

b110 (7.27-1.2022): i used to wake to bling

i used to wake to bling [1]
by b. ling
 
i used to wake to blinging sounds (sweet messages they bring)
i used to wake-up smiling
i used to wake to bling
_________________________________
 
·       now… i look at the phone, and don’t even pick it up.
·       i don’t want to check messages, for the dread of what i might have done or said to piss you off in this, a war of righteousness and fear.
_________________________________
[1] martino, j. (7.27-2.22). bling. book 110: Love IS. © 2022 by wellnesseducation.us.

b111 (7.25-2.2022): love makes my blood boil

love makes my blood boil [1]
by b. oiling
 
positive and negative and never-ending toil
sometimes it’s just Ease-y
love makes my blood boil
_________________________________
 
·       who’s to say that love is only experienced in the making?
·       what if love expresses as fear and frustration (or even as the other children of fear)?
·       can i see frustration as love, afraid?
·       can i wake-up and see my own fears (in relationship) as Love, backwards?
·       can i slow down and observe (and observe myself) and embrace Love in those moments?
·       can i actually use my own negative feelings as cues… to awaken to the Namaste’ that IS?
 
each of us is Love, ego-ing as the false sense of separation, or fear.  each of us can change the outcome of each moment (not by changing it, per se, but) by changing our attachment to the desired outcome.
 
so, what does this mean, in english?  when sandi and i are “off” (e.g. communicating fear), can i watch it (like a movie) and embrace both of us (as the Love that we Truly are) in that moment?
 
the boiling frustration (in relationships) might simply be more proof of the burning desire to Une.
 
maybe… the boiling is reflective of the level of burning desire.
_________________________________
[1] martino, j. (7.25-2.22). love makes my blood boil. book 111: Love IS. © 2022 by wellnesseducation.us. 

b111 (7.25-2.2022): i like you better (hi)

i like you better (hi) [1]
by your highness
 
hi, i like you better
than earth and sea and sky
hi, i like you better
i like you better, high
_________________________________
 
·       it’s like i’m with a completely different person (when you are not).
_________________________________
[1] martino, j. (7.25-1.22). i like you better (hi). book 111: Love IS. © 2022 by wellnesseducation.us. 

b110 (7.25-1.2022): i like you better (hi)

i like you better (hi) [1]
by your highness
 
hi, i like you better
than earth and sea and sky
hi, i like you better
i like you better, high
_________________________________
 
·       it’s like i’m with a completely different person (when you are not).
_________________________________
[1] martino, j. (7.25-1.2022). i like you better (hi). book 110: Love IS. © 2022 by wellnesseducation.us. 

Titan/Osaki OS 3D LE (Otamic)

While the "Real Relax" chair gave an excellent chair massage, I had to return it after 4 days... due to a malfunctioning remote and poor customer service at Real Relax. This led me on a massage chair research journey that included conversations with repairmen, conversations with massage chair companies, and even a drive to Atlanta to sample multiple chairs at "Sleep Galleria."

I was confident that, once I knew what I really, really, really wanted... the perfect chair would find me. My goals (in addition to great features and programs) included customer service, an extended warranty and a return policy.

Titan/Osaki was the company (right up there with Human Touch) that presented the best options. Roman Arnold (972-808-7215) listened to my concerns and desires, and actually recommended that I buy the Osaki Chair through Sam's Club -- since he couldn't match their deal and in-home warranty. I've ordered the Titan OS 3D LE, and this baby will be twice the chair that my prior Real Relax PS3000 turned-out to be.

Some of the reasons, why, along with a few of the features:

• Sam's club return policy and warranty/repair policy
• The Sales professional: Roman Arnold: 972-808-7215 or 888-848-2630 ext 25; roman.a@osakititan.com
• SL track (a must)
• 3D technology (while not a must... it is a truly great feature, as it regulated intensity)
• Heater (not a must, for me, but this model has low back and feet heaters!)
• Rollers for feet (a must)
• Body scan (a fantastic feature that will allow for 10x the relaxation)
• Zero gravity (2 levels)
• Space saver technology
• Remote (while I would have preferred a screen, I now embrace the hand-held remote)
• Stretch program (we'll see, but this would be a huge bonus)
• Bluetooth (standard)
• Width: 29.5 (good)
• Reviews: all good, so far...
• Looks: space age (just like I wanted).  I chose black over white, for cleaning/aging purposes.
• White glove delivery?  Sam's (and Roman) will do me right on this.
• Cost (basically got a $5000 chair for half-price)

In the end, it was everything that I was looking for... including the solution to a few problems (return policy/warranty) that were deal breakers.

 https://www.samsclub.com/p/titan-otamic-3d-le-zero-gravity-luxury-massage-chair-assorted-colors/prod26440094

b110 (7.17-1.2022) johnny dodged a bullet

johnny dodged a butllet [1]
by johnny bullet
 
johnny dodged a bullet (just a different shape & form)
he left before the knife-fight and packed-up before the storm
_________________________________
 
·       there’s negative energy out there.  observe.  beware.  avoid.
·       don’t ever make random comments about people that you don’t know.
·       negative energy is just looking for a fight, and anything might set him off.
·       awareness.  avoidance.  survival.
·       don’t hang-out with those who might be liabilities, and don’t be-come one, yourself.
_________________________________
[1] martino, j. (7.17-1.2022). johnny dodged a bullet. book 110: Love IS. © 2022 by wellnesseducation.us. 

b111 (8.16-1.2022): i'mmature

i’mmature [1]
by joal
 
i’m mature at work
i’m mature at school
i’m mature at home, but i am
immature (with you)

_________________________________
[1] martino, j. (8.16-1.22). i'mmature. book 111: Love IS. © 2022 by wellnesseducation.us. 

do christian bands have groupies?

do christian bands have groupies? [1]
by bandno tona run
 
do christian bands have groupies?
do christian bands get laid?
do christian bands abide by all the things they sing and say?
do christian bands drink beer/smoke pot/snort coke/get down/get loopy?
do christian bands get laid?
do christian bands have groupies?
_________________________________
 

·       in my experience, catholic girls did not “start much too late.”  in fact, they were waaaaaaaay ahead of the catholic boys, when it came to sexual activity.

_________________________________
[1] martino, j. (7.15-1.22). do christian bands have groupies? book 110: Love IS. © 2022 by wellnesseducation.us. 

b110 (7.10-3.2022): you're blocked

you’re blocked [1]
by gotta protect & m. y. self
 
you’re blocked (on cellphone network)
you’re blocked (on email, too)
you’ve blocked (it seems there’s not too much that you can really do)
 
…but figure out a way to get your message through, today
 
you’re blocked (and now it’s up to you to find a way…)
_________________________________
 

·       …to crush my soul – with one of your hurtful, hateful, angry, passive-aggressive, mean, curt, accusatory message – that i need to avoid reading.

if i'm aware enough (at the time) i won't get hooked-in.  ill delete, delete, shred, delete.

_________________________________
[1] martino, j. (7.10-3.22). you’re blocked. book 110: Love IS. © 2022 by wellnesseducation.us. 

b110 (7.9-9.2022): just a small transgression

just a small transgression [1]
by her
 
just a small transgression
didn’t mean a thing
dance of cat and bird? absurd!
listen to them sing
_________________________________
[1] martino, j. (7.9-9.22). just a small transgression. book 110: Love IS. © 2022 by wellnesseducation.us. 

b110 (7.9-7.2022): justa notha day

just another day [1]
by gesi sawtha signs
 
relationship destruction: a tremendous price to pay
hummingbird sips nectar
just another day
_________________________________
[1] martino, j. (7.9-7.2022). just another day. book 110: Love IS. © 2022 by wellnesseducation.us. 

b110 (7.9-6.2022): pot calls kettle 'red'

pot calls kettle “red” [1]
by isa pot
 
“end it with a period” the smoking teacher said
“you are such an __________!”
pot calls kettle “red”
_________________________________
[1] martino, j. (7.9-6.22). pot calls kettle "red”. book 110: Love IS. © 2022 by wellnesseducation.us. 

b110 (7.9-4.2022): catbird in the house

catbird in the house [1]
by ima tease
 
catbird in the house
just a little yarn
just a little hummer that is no cause for alarm
just a little pussy isn’t anything that wrong
 
catbird in the house
let me sing my song
_________________________________
[1] martino, j. (7.9-4.2022). catbird in the house. book 110: Love IS. © 2022 by wellnesseducation.us. 

b110 (7.9-1.2022): hot mail

hot mail [1]
by ima done
 
hotmail, gmail, facebook
istagram and text
when it’s in an envelope, the question is: “what next?”

when it's in the air tonight, as doggie wags her tale

when it all boils-down to her (alone) with a hot male
_________________________________
 
·       mail… is also pretty hot… when (in the envelope) is the ending.

·       mailed it (maybe nailed it?) yesterday.
_________________________________
[1] martino, j. (7.9-1.2022). hot mail. book 110: Love IS. © 2022 by wellnesseducation.us. 

b110 (7.8-1.2022): here's how much i love you

here’s how much i love you [1]
by itsnotta h. erfault
 
here’s how much i love you
let us plant a seed
let us learn and grow from all the data we receive
le me come inside/behind/aside/below/above
let us come together
 
here’s how much i love…
_________________________________
[1] martino, j. (7.8-1.2022). here's how much i love you. book 110: Love IS. © 2022 by wellnesseducation.us. 

b110 (7.7-9.2022): just another day

just another day [1]
by guessi sawtha signs & justin otha day
 
relationship destruction: a tremendous price to pay
hummingbird sips nectar
just another day
_________________________________
[1] martino, j. (7.9-7.22). just another day. book 111: Love IS. © 2022 by wellnesseducation.us. 

b110 (7.6-1.2022) now... i understand

now… i understand [1]
by joal, looking back…
 
…why… three iterations & counting…
s---- and i don’t match-up as soul-mates, but (rather) as twin flame.
 
my (initial) elusiveness triggers her constant shit-testing, creating a cycle of wow-ignore-wow-ignore-wow-ignore… where the ignore phase is experienced as:
·       passive-aggressive
·       shit-testing
·       miss communication
·       two adults, in child-mode
_________________________________
 
·       there is certainly something for each of us to learn, here.  we (individually) need to re-flect, re-assess, re-call, re-member, and re-new.

·       it is not up to the other to re-cycle and save/solve.
_________________________________
[1] martino, j. (7.6-1.2022). now… i understand. book 110: Love IS. © 2022 by wellnesseducation.us. 

b110 (7.5-2.2022): get her off your mind

get her off your mind [1]
by i. cant seemto
 
now it’s time to take control (the “let’s be certain” kind)
now it’s time to rock n’ roll, and
get her off your mind
_________________________________
 
1.     she needs to get help.

2.     no dating (exclusively) until (a) we both decide it’s right, and (b) only after i receive 8 therapy sessions, myself, to sort-through all of this.

_________________________________
[1] martino, j. (7.5-2.2022). get her off your mind. book 110: Love IS. © 2022 by wellnesseducation.us. 

b110 (7.5-1.2022): i don't give a f---

i don’t give a f--- [1]
by dee struction
 
i don’t give a f—
no (not anymore)
no, not any less
no, that much (for sure)
 
i’m done with all the s--t-tests, and promises, and luck
 
i don’t give a damn (no ma’am) and
i don’t give a f—
_________________________________
[1] martino, j. (7.5-1.2022). i don’t give a f--k. book 110: Love IS. © 2022 by wellnesseducation.us. 

b110 (7.4-1.2022): fireworks destroy

fireworks destroy [1]
by dee struction
 
fireworks allure.  they provide a momentary connection with the present.  they entertain.  they are connective, magnetic, yet unrestrained.
 
fireworks have the ability to build (ooooooo, ahhhhhh) bonds between girls and boys… and…
 
fireworks destroy.
_________________________________
[1] martino, j. (7.4-1.22). fireworks destroy. book 110: Love IS. © 2022 by wellnesseducation.us.