b111 (8.14-1.2022): wishing you weren't here

wishing you weren’t here [1]
by steven albert done
 
i used to wish to see you (and to hold-on to you): near
but something else has happened
i wish that you weren’t here
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·       in relationships, partners (at the beginning) wish that each other was near, or here, or close.

·       when things begin to go sour, a different feeling can arise: the wish that a partner wasn’t there.  it is the desire to be alone, or apart.

·       i’ve experienced this recently, at her place, amid disagreements and arguments and distancing -- and at times when things just didn’t feel right.

·       but… for the first time, yesterday, at my place, i felt that i wished she wasn’t there.  she had just said something like “i want to go home” or “i’m going to go home” or something like that, but we were by the pool, and she was emotionally distant, and i felt it:  

“i wish she wasn’t here.”

 
relationships end, sometimes.  to often, they end looooong before the actual, official ending.
 
my (personal) belief if that they end… and have ended… when one or the other wishes that the other wasn’t there.
 
it’s weird: i wish that she was here:
·       in her happy place,
·       glad to be here,
·       loving me,
·       wanting to be with me,
·       conversational,
·       interactive,
·       touching,
·       kissing,
·       connecting,
·       etc.
 
when she is here, and when it feels as though she doesn’t want to be here… it is close to the worst feeling in the world.  the worst feeling in the world would be to be cohabitating, and for her to be bitchy, and for me to be trapped.
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2eE9H7Nzww
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[1] martino, j. (8.14-1.22). i wish she wasn’t here. book 111: Love IS. © 2022 by wellnesseducation.us.