the back end of the
train [i]
by agoing a.
w. ayparty
some wonder
how i can party and laugh (here) in the caboose,
with the train-wreck on the
horizon.
they think
i’m a little crazy.
some think
that we should revolt, and attempt to take over the train,
failing to
see that the further up the line you get, the more you turn into the
conductors.
some are
crying, here, with their very futures (hopes, dreams, bucket lists) about to
end.
everything
beyond a second tear (or a second of anger, or a second of regret)
is a waste
of time, to me.
i let those
thoughts propel me into gratitude, now.
i bite the
apple with a little more awareness, now.
every taste…
is delicious.
i’ve
considered jumping off of the caboose, but there is nowhere to land.
i’ve
considered protecting my little territory,
but my “things” are just going to
become things that others want.
should i
buy a gun?
somebody’s
always going to have a bigger gun.
should i attempt
to survive the wreck?
the ASI
scenarios don’t paint a pretty picture for the survivors.
i will, of course,
live the moment (as i am doing right now),
but i want to be able to live it with awareness.
in the end,
i must say that i have enjoyed this train ride.
i’ve done
some things that (if i could) i’d go back and change,
but then the
whole learning experience would be different,
each moment
affected by the one before.
if i ever
hurt you,
please re-cognize that my scared, little ego was just doing his best
to survive/thrive.
i wish i
could tell you that
I Love You,
right Now.
maybe i am.
___________________________________
[i] martino, j. (6.13-2.2023). the back end of the train. book 115: the back end of the train. © 2023 by joal martino.
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