b100 (4.26-1.2021): translations

translations [1]
by alwa y. satran slation

the billboard sign says: “an offer on your home, today, guaranteed!”
…but you already know what that means:
 

“i guarantee that i will low-ball you on your home,

with an offer sooooooo squeaky-cheap that it would even embarrass me my dog!”

________________________
 

more translations:

 

“will you marry me?”

translation: “will you be committed to me (and only me) forever?”

 

on dating sites: “i’m curvy.”

(also):

“a few extra pounds”

“full figured”

…and on and on…

translation: “i’m fat.”

advertisemement: "happy cows"

translation: "captive, angry, diseased, genetically modified, 

pumped with steroids, and shot-up-with-antibiotics cows." 

 
and a few more... out of potential millions:
 
doctor: “how many times per week do you drink alcohol?”
patient: “uh, well… about three times per week.”
translation: “every night, and some mornings!”
 
doctor: “have you ever had more than six drinks in one sitting?”
patient: “heck no!”
translation: “many, many, many times.”
 
girl: “he’s made a few mistakes, but he's a good person (and he offered me some cocaine).”
translation: “he’s going to become my supplier, and i’ve already had sex with him.”

same girl: "i love you!"

translation: "i'm going to get what i want out of you, or else i'll dump you without a thought."

her: "we need to talk"

translation: "i need to talk to you."

friend: "oh, your child is sooooooo cute!"

translation: "he's a spoiled brat."

love interest: "i've been really busy..."

translation: "i've got better things to do."

unanswered text?

translation: "i've got better things to do."

forecast: “millions and millions of citizens in several states will be threatened by (potential) golf-ball-sized hail, tornados, and extreme/severe weather!!”
translation: “rain, in the forecast.”
translation#2: “...but we haven’t got a clue, really.”
translation #3: “…so go out and buy bread and milk, so our sponsors will be happy, since we will say anything to get you to tune in.” “can we show you the worst possible videos?”

statement: "if there's anything that i can do... don't hesitate to ask."

translation: "don't ask."

statement: "no. i do not want another piece of chocolate cake."

translation:  "pleeeeease?" (can i take the whole thing home with me?)

advertisement: "act now!"

translation: "we would be in a much better financial situation if you would act now."

...and on... and on... and on...
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[1] martino, j. (4.26-1.2021). translations. book 100. 2021. © 2021 by joal martino.