b123 (4.2-1.2025): do i care?

do i care? [i]
by c. aring    
 
do i care? (a partner)
do i care? (a wife)
do i care? (a feeling)
do i care? (a life)
 
do i care if i become completely unaware?
do i care? (a question)
 
ask me:
do i care?
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 what i care about is (a) what i think about and (b) what i do and (c) what i spend my money and time on.

let’s reflect:

o   thoughts
 §  thoetry
 §  how people might like me
  ·       acceptance
  ·       adoration
  ·       i want to be loved… but i also seem addicted to wanting to be seen as someone who is loved.  love-able.

o   sex
 §  i am attracted to sexy females
 §  my physical body has the urge to ejaculate, regularly
 §  i’d like to have a harem of hot women who love me, but i understand that even that would not bring happiness.
 §  I do think about women a lot, and sex (a lot).

o   alcohol
 §  hazy little thing (from sierra nevada)
 §  juicy jay (at j.r. cash’s)
 §  the next beer

o   food
 §  vegetables
 §  fish
  ·       mahi-mahi
  ·       scallops (although i really don’t love them like i used to)
  ·       flounder (a new thing, with my romaine fish tacos)
 §  foods that i know are bad for me:
  ·       chicken tenders
  ·       chicken wings
  ·       fried foods
  ·       pizza

o   bills
 §  electric
 §  internet/phone
 §  mortgage, association fees, utilities, etc.

o   memories
 §  great times
 §  great people
 §  laughs
 §  expériences

o   cars (i like my cars)
 
in my home and on my media, i surround myself with picture memories of the past: nature, friends, experiences.  i also surround myself with friend/family/home-made art.  i also care about plants, apparently.  my surroundings echo relaxation.  my fridge echoes vegetarian & beer.  my dining/living area echoes friendship, hummingbirds and wine.
 
i’m pretty consistent.  i’m a fit, fun, feisty fan of the Now, past (great) times, and future possibilities.  i struggle with weight-management (mostly due to excessive alcohol consumption).  if there were one thing that would make my life immediately better (physically, mentally, socially and spiritually), it would be to strive for 100% alcohol-free – with the exception being a small toast or a sip of wine on a date.
 
i eat relatively well, although i have challenges (of course) when drinking.  my vices (sex, overeating and overdrinking) stem from a desire to change state… all of which i can do (maybe even better?) with my mind.
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[i] martino, j. (4.2-1.2025). do i care? book 123: i don’t even care. © 2024 by j. martino.